Be As Nice As You Want, Just Dont Be Rude

Be As Nice As You Want, Just Dont Be Rude Jeremy in accounts is extremely  annoying to talk to and most probably hiding something no one is that  friendly. Ask him one question and commit to 20 minutes of sickly-sweet small talk. Send him an email and he replies within the minute, wishing you a good morning, afternoon or evening. Hes always got time for everyone. Hes just too nice. And then theres Sarah who sits on the board and hasnt got one nice bone in her body. She hasnt got much time for anyone really; her emails are short, sharp and completely lacking warmth. She wont join in on an office  Happy Birthday singalong and replies good thanks to your how are you this morning? without ever returning the question. She  keeps her distance and  doesnt care for niceties. Dealing with  extremes The office is a  breeding ground for conflicting personality types. Most people tend to sit  comfortably in the  middle ground between too nice and not nice enough; friendly and personable with a side of straight talking. However, wherever people are involved, there are always going to be extremes and consequences. and contradictory messages! There are so many conflicting messages around about how nice we should be in the workplace.  As  kids were told to play nicely, then as we move through our  adult years  were frequently warned that the nice guys finish last. In order to be successful, weve got to cut the fluff and do away with niceties, but weve also got to build strong relationships  and get people to like us. So then, whats  worse; being too nice or not nice enough? Too  nice While you  might  think being nice to absolutely everyone all the time is an automatic people-pleaser,  theres a lot of talk about how it can be damaging. Some say being too nice might  make you seem  boring, encourage people to  advantage of you and put your motives up for questioning. Needless to say, these  perceptions could all be detrimental to your reputation, undermining your ability to form meaningful  relationships with other professionals. or not nice enough? On the other hand, being perceived as not nice enough  also has the ability to turn people against you. Theres evidence to suggest being really nice to people can actually make you feel  happier, less stressed and ultimately more successful so what does that say about people who dont even try to be nice?  Those who are  extremely  direct  and impersonal  might get things done quicker and demand respect across the company, but at what cost? Do what you want It all boils down to the fact that people are naturally going to fall one way or the other; either theyll err on the side of being too nice or become accustomed to being not nice enough. And thats fine; at the end of the day theres no exact science as to  how nice you  should or shouldnt be in order to get further ahead in your career.  Its  definitely not black and white, but  there is one thing that is non-disputed. Regardless of how nice or not nice enough you choose to be, there is absolutely no reason to be rude. but dont be rude! Be direct; be stern if you like.  Do away with small talk if you need to. But dont try to justify to  yourself that rudeness is okay, because its not. Showing no remorse for messing someones schedule around, being late for meetings or making people wait is unacceptable. Speaking to people  in a patronising,  aggressive or bitterly sarcastic tone is not okay. Ignoring people or belittling them in front of others or behind closed doors for that matter could be considered bullying and can have serious repercussions for you.  Completely disregarding the effect of your actions and tone of voice on those around you is extremely careless and something to be ashamed of. Regardless of whether youre great at your job,  if you make other people feel miserable and continually alienate yourself,  at the end of the day, no one wins. You dont have to be friends with your colleagues  (or  even want them on your side), but no one is above common courtesy and everyone deserves to be treated with a certain level of respect.  What impact is your rudeness having on those around you? Treat people how you wish to be treated Its amazing  the effect one person can have on  others. Regardless of whether you fall into the too nice or not nice enough categories, or somewhere in between,  assess whether youd be happy to  be on the receiving end of your emails, words or actions. Be as nice as you want, just dont be rude.